Feelings.. Nothing More than Feelings…

by Lisa Donovan

People in Nashville don’t know how to drive. Period. When the light turns green, it takes them more than thirty seconds to actually begin to move, and, if you are unlucky enough to be the third or fourth car in line you have no chance of getting through the light. I immediately get angry because I know it has everything to do with them being on their phone or playing with their OnStar or Ipod or what ever other pricey distraction that they have in their car that keep them from actually driving. My kids are starting to hear me say not so nice things about people that I don’t know. It has become a serious source of stress for me these last few days. I know. I sound irrepressibly ridiculous and bitchy. So be it.

What I have come to realize (sorry, each of my little boring nuances always have to equate to a larger, deeper issue.. I know you are probably coming to roll your eyes each time I say “what I have come to realize”…) is that when I am stressed about anything “real” (kids, work, money) I tend to take it out on complete strangers. Does anyone else do this? My husband takes it out on his artwork, my son takes it out on me and I take it out on poor, unassuming strangers who are just trying to go about their day. I know I am doing it - I even have a little talk with myself about the fact that what I am feeling has nothing to do with these people - not even the annoying sorority girl in front of me in line at the bookstore who is talking very loudly on her phone about, like, how drunk she got last night and, like, how her daddy is going to be so mad because, like, he has to fix the SUV that he, like, totally bought for her for, like, her eighteenth birthday that her soooo cute boyfriend, like, totally dinged up by totally running into the corner of her sorority building.. It is not her fault that my son has gotten quite used to telling me “no” (he will, in fact, spell it out for me just in case I missed it the first time - “Did you hear me mom? N-O. I am not going to put my shoes on.”) and it is not her fault that my daughter has made a sprinkler out of her mango juice and is not only covered with it but sitting in a puddle of it in the middle of Borders. Yes, this innocent and dumb college girl might be everything I have ever fought against as a woman who prides herself on being well read versus being well laquered and liqoured - but, ultimately, I couldn’t care less anymore about what or who she is. She has just become my target for rage. Poor thing. What to do, what to do.

Part of me feels like it is good that I have found an outlet for my frustrations other than my kids and husband. I know plenty of women that use their husbands as punching bags when things get rough and don’t think twice about it. But, I guess my deal is that I don’t like feeling this sort of irritation at anyone - even people whom are living a rude existence. Maybe I need to start meditating again. Maybe I should have a go at Yoga again. Boxing maybe? Who knows. Isn’t admitting you have a problem the first step? Hi, my name is Lisa, and I have a rage against obnoxious and oblivious strangers problem and I need help. Thank you.

Ok. What’s next?

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 12th, 2006 at 8:26 am and is filed under Conflict and Anger, Daily Living, Mental Environment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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