September 11th.

by Lisa Donovan

I woke up this morning - it was a regular Monday morning for us.  We hopped out of bed, packed lunches, scrubbed our faces, ate our eggs, brushed our teeth, kissed goodbye and started on our individual journeys out the door.  The list of things to do was spinning in my mind like an old turntable - over and over and over so I wouldn’t forget all the important things that I had to do.  I was in my usual, albeit unnecessary, hurry and frustrated because Maggie kept unbuckling her safety harness. Traffic was stupid.  I needed to get gas but there wasn’t a gas station in site.  I was hungry.  I was tired.  I was basically being an utter grump. 

As I drove down Broadway I started noticing a solemnness to to the streets - people sitting on park benches with their hands quietly folded, the flags all half mast.  Then I remembered.  I remembered what today was.  I remembered five years ago where I was sitting, the child I was holding - then just a small baby boy, the bird that wouldn’t stop singing, a painful irony, outside of my window as I watched the news in massive horror, how alone with my small child I felt, how tightly I was holding on to him, how tightly I wanted to be held by my mom.  We all have our story of that day.  I woke up today, I guess, not wanting to rethink about mine at all.  I hadn’t forgotten what was coming today - in fact, my husband and I sat and talked about it last night.  I guess I just had quieted the noisy pain of it until I could no longer keep it at bay.  I stopped everything I was doing and went to the park with my daughter.  I watched her play and laugh and couldn’t help but feel this weird feeling of joy and utter sadness all at the same time.  Nothing got done today and nothing should.  I hadn’t planned on writing about this at all - but honestly, it is what I am consumed with.  And, I could sit here and tell you how I realized what was important and how I let the tragedy of today remind me of how precious life is - which is true.  But the reality is that I am just terribly, terribly sad.  It is a great sadness I fear I will carry with me until the day I die.

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 11th, 2006 at 11:05 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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