Just Realized…

by Lisa Donovan

I have lots of friends.  I do.  And I love them all.  I have just realized - or maybe accepted - that I don’t fit in.  And I never will.

Last night I went to a clothing swap - everyone brings a bag or box of clothes/shoes that you don’t want and you, well, swap.  I sat admiring all the beautiful women whom I was in the presence of.  They all had style and invested a lot of very successful time in their image.  I admired them.  Truly some of the most beautiful women I will probably every meet.  And not beautiful in the traditional sense - I mean like great hair, vintage style, half sleeve tattooed beautiful.  They have thought a lot about the way they look.  A lot.  And, they have still managed to stay interesting and intelligent.  I felt like I was thirteen again.  Akward and like I wanted to melt into the wall so that no one would notice me.  As a usually very confident and secure woman, this took me greatly by suprise. 

I have gotten used to the fact that I don’t have time or money to really invest in my “image”.  I never really wanted an “image” and never really thought too much about gettting an “image”.  I have always been the kind of girl who rolls out of bed, brushes her teeth, and throws on whatever is closest and cleanest.  I mean, Einstein had five pairs of the same pants and five pairs of the same shoes and five pairs of the same shirt and wore them, interchangable, every day because he was too busy thinking and problem solving to worry about what to wear.  That sounds so brilliant and luxurious to me.  But, you know what?  I don’t want to be that girl anymore.  I want to look like I care about the way I feel about myself.  Because I feel good about myself. 

And, of course, as I reason all this out - I start to realize that I do portray myself as I am.  To be anything other than this - this girl who is so engaged in the act of living that she doesn’t care what she is wearing - is right too.  Right?  But it looks so fun to be cute!

Jesus.  Weren’t identity calamities supposed to subside sometime before the age twenty?? 

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This entry was posted on Monday, November 27th, 2006 at 9:47 am and is filed under Lifestyles, Daily Living. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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