Archive for December, 2006


I was sitting here trying to think of what to write today.. Nothing came to mind.. But then, as my husband was walking out of the door he provided me with a whole armament of issues to hash out on my blog today.  He had a headache last night.  And, apparently, I was supposed to cuddle it away. 

The reason this is even an issue is two fold.  The first reason is, usually, he wants nothing more than to be left alone when he gets a headache (which, can I note, happens quite a lot).  The second reason is that, thanks to my mother being uber melodramatic about hers and everyone else’s ailments when I was growing up, I have become somewhat desensitized about people who are hungry for attention when they are not feeling well.  I know that makes me sound awful, but it’s the truth.  When I’m sick, I suck it up and never complain.  I can’t understand why men feel like the world has to stop on it’s axis when they get something as mild as a headache.  I don’t understand.  really really don’t…….

So, we return home from dinner at a great wine bar and a showing of Monty Python’s classic Life of Brian which was showing and the Belcourt Theater.. Nice evening.  Then the headache.  We come home and I get to work on the computer.  I have a lot of catching up to do since the holidays have been so busy.  Silly me.  I thought that someone with a headache would want to be alone so they could go lay down.  I was wrong.  And, this morning, I have hell to pay for it. 

Realizing, of course, that I have a very low tolerance for sissies who can’t handle being sick, I apologized and even felt bad that I was not more attentive to his needs.  But, it leaves me with the burning question: what is wrong with men that they cannot handle being even slightly under the weather without having the emotional equivalent to a wet nurse at their side?  Am I being awful?  Is this a dreadful thing to think about men?

And the other question is:  is this what people without kids do all the time?  Titter about silly little emotional heartaches that really are quite insignificant?  I am finding this life without kids (even for only three days) quite uninteresting and overly self indulgent.  It’s grossing me out a little bit.  I have enjoyed resting and going out with friends.. But I can do without the constant self gratification, thank you.  And I can do without relating to the people at work who talk about their pets as if they were children..  I actually got into a conversation at work about my cat - don’t get me wrong, I love my cat - but I was talking about him as if he were reason the sun came up in the morning.  This is what single, kidless people my age do.  What the hell?  I never would have guessed that my kids were my source of creativity and energy and, quite honestly, they are what make me interesting.  Thank god I get to be back with them on Sunday.  Otherwise, John and I might start buying sweaters for the dog and arguing over who takes the trash out.  Our world in imbalanced without them and I need this week to go by fast……….

Posted in Lifestyles, Marriage, Daily Living | No Comments »

I’m back!

Well.  Well.  Well.

So the kids decided, after all, that a Disney Post Christmas extravaganza was in order.  We got back from delivering them to my parents last night.  I must admit, the drive home felt like I was reversing some kind of law of physics - the fact that I was driving in the opposite direction from my kids was the most unnatural feeling I have ever had. 

But they are knee deep, as we speak, in Little Mermaid and Buzz Lightyear heaven.  I talked to them this morning and they sound like they are having a blast!  Which was exactly what I needed to hear - it is hard to sleep without them in the house.  But, the fact that they are having an adventure with their Nana and Papa eases my mind greatly. 

So then.  What to do?  John and I are all alone - we slept in and ate breakfast in bed.  So many things that we could do with the rest of our holiday but, really, we both seem content to be home and dig into one another.  Since I was a single mom when we met, it is always painfully obvious to us - when we get a chance to be alone - that we never actually dated, in the traditional sense of the word.  We never got to indulge in one another the way other couples do.  Sure.  We had a good time, but always with the pretense that there was a sweet boy at home waiting for me (which meant our evening usually ended at 10pm).  We never felt slighted, it’s just that at times like these, we really realize that we never got to really revel in that new relationship splendor.  And, now that my mind is at ease with the kids being safe and happy, we are able to.  We are able to enjoy what we really love about each other and remember why it is we fell in love.  I hope you’ll excuse me this week if I end up being syrupy sweet about everything, but I have a feeling I won’t be able to stop myself. 

Posted in Marriage, Healthy Living | No Comments »


Sigh. What a day.

We managed to keep most presents a secret (with the lack of closet space in this house, it was no small feat).. We managed to keep ourselves stress free and smiling - even through my son declaring to all his young friends (who adamently believe in Mr. Claus) over our Chirstmas eve dinner last night that “there is no Santa and, quite frankley, I don’t really believe there ever was!”….. ahem. yeah. We managed to stay within our budget. And, mainly, we managed to have a Christmas that was all our own - we didn’t allow anyone to set a schedule or pace for us. Today was, honestly, one of the nicest days ever.

It was, however, the first Christmas, since having not gone to my mothers to get spoiled, I realized that I am bonafide grown up. All the presents under the tree were put there by me - which consequentially means that, of course, there are none for me. All the food was made by me. All the presents wrapped - you guessed it - by me (and John). I dunno. As much as I relished every moment of making today super special for the kids, there was an equal amount of time realizing that my Christmases will never be the same. I will never be the one to lay in bed, eyes wide open, just waiting for the sun to rise so that I can go wake up my parents.. I will never rise and run to the tree to see how, in just one nights sleep, the vacant spots under the limbs have been filled with boxes reaching up to the ceiling and rivaling the tallest branches.. I will now be the one who knows exactly what each stocking holds.. I will now be the one to be woken, rather than the eager tiptoer tugging at the bedsheets praying it’s not to early…. I guess this first Christmas away from my own parents has left me realizing that it’s now my turn. Happily, but, none the less, still kind of achy for my own eyes to light up when I see the tree first thing Christmas morning. I guess that happens when I see their eyes light up…..


Ok.. Here’s the deal.. I’m trying to pretty it up but, really, I guess I just didn’t consider what an absolute decline in presents the whole “not going to visit my parents” would mean for me. That’s the bottom line. I mean. If I think about it, it makes sense.. I don’t know why I didn’t consider it in my pro/con list for the whole going-staying home debate.. I think I’m gonna have to reconsider and, at least, do an every other year visit.. John and I got each other what we could, but ultimately, all our money was spent on the kids. We kind of get jipped out of presents if we don’t go visit the family. Hmmm. Things to consider for next year. My pro/con list will definately look a hell of a lot different in 2007 for our Christmas plans.

Posted in Holidays | No Comments »

What’s Worse than Having the Flu?

Having the flu with the Doodlebops song stuck in my head.


This is pure torture.

Posted in Poison | 2 Comments »

Good Times.. Good Times.

This holiday is a busy one for us. But, in a good way.. Our usual hectic paced travels down to see family in Florida has been replaced with friends visiting from all over the country - and us having the best times of our lives.

One of my best friends will be in from Brooklyn later today - Saturday night we have a big Dirty Santa and an even bigger honky tonkin’ evening to follow. For those of you who don’t live in Nashville: Honky Tonkin’ is what we like to call going out to honky tonk bars and dancing the night away. None of us like country, per se, but just for the record - there is nothing more fun that watching (and then joining) a room full of drunken cowboys dance around in their boots and spurs. Yes. They really wear spurs.

And, the time with the kids has been heavenly. We are actually getting to enjoy each other. Despite the fact that, currently, we all have the flu - we are still making the best of our time together. One of the best things about being married to a professor; the holiday time is plentiful! He has been off since December 10th and will be off until January 13th. heaven.. heaven.. heaven…..

I hope everyone else’s holiday is starting off equally as merry.. To help ya kick things off - here’s a gingerbread recipe.. Nothing gets you in the mood like being in a kitchen with two kids, a bottle of wine, your wonderful husband and a killer gingerbread recipe to be knee deep in.. Enjoy….

Posted in Cooking, Holidays | 2 Comments »

Notes to my Girlfriends Without Kids

  1. One day, when you have kids, you will realize that it is not so disgusting to clean a kids face with your spit. It’s practical.
  2. Talking about poop is not gross.
  3. If my kids are sick, all plans are off.
  4. I can no longer trash talk with you about someone without realizing that they have mothers that would be heartbroken if they overheard us. I still might trash talk - but I will have undying guilt for the rest of the day.
  5. If I make it out to drink and party it up, it is because I really, really want/need to. Sometimes, I use the kids as an excuse because, the reality is, after you have kids, going out to bars and listening to loud music is really not fun.
  6. Your problems don’t seem miniscule to me, I just can’t sympathize with the fact that you got three hours of sleep last night because you were at a midnight showing of a movie that I am dying to see but will have to wait to watch on DVD. Sorry.
  7. I don’t anticipate my outfit changing for the next five years and neither should you. The worn out blue jeans, old puma tennis shoes and hoodie that I always wear is what works for me. I love your new skirt and boots and wish to god I looked that cute. Sorry you have to schlepp around with me and my unfashionable self and thanks for understanding.
  8. You’ll never understand how much I, as a young mother, appreciate your love toward my kids. You treat them like the best aunt in the world would. It makes me want to cry when I see how much you love them.
  9. You stick by my when I am behaving like an overworked, exhausted, irrational mother who is at her wits end. You are part of the reason I never, ever, lose myself and my identity and my sense of control over my life. For that, you are a saint and deserve a gold plated seat in whatever heaven there is….

Posted in Relationships | 3 Comments »

Ohhhhh… This is Getting Good.

I have been negligent to you, my faithful blog readers. I have not been fully disclosing the greatness I live around, day in and day out. I have not told you, yet, about my across the street neighbors. How I have gotten this far as a blogger and not mentioned them is beyond me. But, this past Saturday, they became too good to keep a secret any longer.

I have to start from the beginning. A quick little glimpse into the kind of madness that is breeding over there.

When we first moved into this house, we were in love with the neighborhood. For those of you who don’t live here in Nashville I’ll fill you in: East Nashville is a changing neighborhood. Stereotypically, all other Nashvillians treat E. Nashville as a place for crazy artists and musicians who don’t mind living near criminals and junkies - however, if you live here, you know that none of that is true. We love our little spot here - it feels like a cozy burrough in Brooklyn.. lots of great cafes and shops and parks. Anyway.. This clarification stands as a point that, even though we are a neighborhood in a state of gentrification and lots of great changes are being made, there is still one family here that… well… behave as if it is a trailer park. And I live right across the street from them.

It’s a family of five. A mama, a papa, two girls and an eldest son that seems like he has great potential but is trapped in home that resents him for wanting anything better than a Harley and a broken down boat in the front yard (which his papa proudly displays… I’ll get back to the Harley nonsense in a minute). The two young girls, probably around 13 and 15 years old, have, apparently, taken to my husband. They are, from what I can tell, quite smitten with him. At least, that would be my assumption since every time he is in the front yard, they start doing a strip tease for him. Intriguing? Not so. See. These girls both have the shape of girls going through puberty - and not, at all, in a good way. Don’t get me wrong - I can’t mock them for having no control over the awful shape that puberty has cursed them with (picture an egg, a very large egg, with toothpicks as legs and arms and a really bad wig with circa 1986 hair style) BUT I can blame them for trying to dance like J.Lo while grotesquely tweaking their nipples at my husband the day we moved in. There was a lot of unnecessary ass rubbing and grinding on the front lawn - and all for my handsome darling.

That happenend quite a few more times - but only for John. I got a lot of rocks thrown at the car and middle fingers flung at me. I don’t think that liked that I openly gaffawed at their “show” for my husband. And, I really don’t think they liked that I ran to get the camera to capture the show for my friends.

Anyway. We really started to have problems when the overall wearing patriarch of the family started to come out around midnight-ish to “work” on his Harley. He would dutifully wrap his Harley dew rag around his head, put on his Harley boots, hike up his overalls dust off the confederate flag patch positioned very elegantly on the back pocket and get to work making everyone within a five block radius angry as hell. I want to make something clear. He never rides the damn thing. He never actually gets tools out to make any repairs. He looks at it. A lot. And, during the night, when all the rest of the world is asleep, he decides that he will rev it up. All night. For hours on end. Just sit on the damn thing and rev the engine. over. and over. and over… and over… and over.. and over… I. Hate. Him.

OH oh oh oh… And one night, he and his crew of drunken merrymen decided they were going to bring out a makeshift drag car from the back yard (which, I’m pretty sure consists of some lawn mower parts and an old shell from a rusted out Chevy) and race it up and down the street - until 3 in the morning.

So. There’s some history. Fast forward to this past Saturday. My family and I were having our Christmas preparation day - we went to the old Belcourt Theater and watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” together.. Had lunch at a French bakery and drove an hour out of town to a tree farm to pick and cut down our own tree. My son, very proudly, helped saw it down himself. Anyway.. We were having a blast.  The weather was uncharacteristically warm that fine day. We were all in short sleeves and skirts and celebrating the great 65 degrees that we probably won’t see again until May.  And, apparently, we weren’t the only ones. The strippers - eh - I mean young ladies across the street were celebrating in their own way.

They had strung up their volleyball net and were playing a very innocent and sweet game of volleyball. Sweet and innocent, that is, until we pulled up. Apparently the sight of my husband made them hotter than hades because they, as he was taking the tree off the top of our car, decided they had to bust out the hose, turn it on full blast and start squirting each other in the chest and, again, tweaking their nipples for some male attention. I walked out to my husband in a near vomitous state and my son asking me “mommy, what is wrong with those girls”.. I ushered my son in with my hands over his eyes (the nipple tweaking wasn’t as offensive as the plus fifty pounds that puberty, or something, obviously wasn’t letting these girls let go of).  The last thing I remember seeing was the eldest girl on her stomach humping the grass with her mouth open for extra sex appeal.
And there you have it. My neighbors. Thank god we only have three more months of living near them. But, I have a feeling when we buy our first home, something might be lacking. No. I won’t miss the midnight Harley swansongs. No. I won’t miss the drag racing up and down the street. But, I might, just might, miss watching these two delicate flowers grow up to be the classy women they are so obviously destined to be…….

Posted in Daily Living | 3 Comments »

When Hell Freezes Over.. Or When Mommy Gets One First…

My 6year old just informed me that he wants an iPod for Christmas. 



big gulp of air….


the end.

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

Don’t Need a Weather Man to Know Which Way the Wind Blows..

Things change.  Plans get altered.  People change their minds.

Our Christmas plans are evolving and changing, it seems, every day.

We will still be sticking to our guns and staying home for the first time in the history of our family - rather than traipsing down to Florida which means seven hours in a car with two kids that want to listen to “Hit the Road Jack” over and over and over and over and over….  The thought of having Christmas Eve here with my husband, drinking wine and wrapping presents (you know, the presents we haven’t gotten yet), and waking up with our kids in our own beds and sitting in our house and having friends over for a Potluck dinner sounds like the closest thing to heaven I could ever imagine.

But, my son dropped a bomb on us about four days ago.  My parents have generously offered to bring them down to Disney World for the post Christmas holiday.  Along the way, my mom was going to take them to her family’s homes so that she could show off her grandkids.  She’s a good nana - so proud.  Anyway.  John and I were reveling in the idea of having four days to ourselves - in our entire marriage we have been alone for maybe a week.  Since our kids are such incredibly neat people, it is not something that bothers us.  However, being two adults alone in our home seems like a great Christmas present in itself.

So, back to the bomb that got dropped.  My son informed us that he didn’t want to go.  He didn’t like the idea of being away from us and that he really didn’t want to be stuck in a car over the holiday - even if it meant not going to Disney World.  We thought, surely, he would change his mind.  uh uh.  Never happened.  In fact, as we get closer to the holiday he gets more settled in the fact that he doesn’t want to go.

I’ll admit.  John and I were disappointed.  But really, I was utterly pleased once I really thought about it.  Our soft plans to go to New York for ice skating and tours of museums now incorporate the kids - which, to be honest, sounds like so much more fun.  As much as I would jump at the chance to be alone with my husband for a few days I have to say, I am just as happy to be able to have some down time with all of us present.  We have a good time, the four of us.  And, on a purely selfish note, now I don’t have to spend hours worrying about their travels.

Now.  Exactly how to explain this to my parents…………………….

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Pop Goes the Weasle


Sigh… Sigh… Sigh….

Maggie’s down for a nap.  The cat’s down for a nap.  The dog is banging on the back door.  John is at the studio.  This is my first chance to sit down and get some writing done today.  I think I am having something moderately similar to a train wreck - the list of things to do is overwhelming!  But then, I stop and think - wait, what is it that I have to do?  The list is actually very short.  But there’s this thing.  This thing that is constantly on my mind.  Like a nagging faucet drip.. drip.. dripping… It’s the Christmas shopping.  The Christmas shopping is making me feel like I have a mountain to climb.  The fact that all (ok. three) my friends are done (yes. done!) and I have not even started, is starting to make me feel like Christmas is tomorrow.

Did I mention that we are buying my son a piano for Christmas?  Do you realize the amount of planning and organizing it takes to orchestrate a piano magically appearing on Christmas morning.  Combine this with the fact that I have zero skills in the planning and organizing department and - kaZow - my head starts to feel like it’s going to pop off.  We’ve got the spot in the house picked out - it’s gonna look killer on the wooden floors right next to the antique fire place. BUT. How do I get it there in those magic hours between Christmas eve and Christmas morning?!?!?  DAMN those elves for only being imaginary!  Damn them!!

These are the times in my life that I envy (dare I say… loathe) those smarty pant organizer people… You know the ones.. The ones who wear watches and set alarms and know how to have all their Christmas shopping done before the 20th of December AND have everything wrapped and all their Christmas cards mailed out (I don’t even HAVE Christmas cards yet!)….  Is it possible that I just was born to be this disfunctional?  I mean, maybe it is something so ingrained in me that I can’t shake it, right?  All my banker friends, and I do have them, are way ahead of the game - because that’s how they were born, right?  They like things to work as efficiently as they do in banks.  All my artist and musician friends, complete other end of the spectrum.. Hell. We have a hard time remembering it is even December half the time and then we end up walking around in a daze looking like electro-shock patients, wondering why strange men are making children sit on their laps and why everyone is wearing sweaters with trees and deer on them…   And, then, December 24th comes around and we are running our asses off at Target trying to buy everyone we have ever met a Christmas present but nothing is left in the store so we end up buying everyone laundry detergent, shaving cream and lotion claiming that we were trying to be “practical” with gifts this year.

So, with this knowledge all tucked in my brain, you would be right to say “hey, Lisa, why not get a head start!  It’s still early!  You can start today!”.  And to that, I have no other response other than -  I’ll see you at Target on the 24th.  You’ll find me in the lotion aisle.

Posted in Mental Environment | 1 Comment »

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