Men & Women

by Jon Henshaw

Heather Havrilesky had some insightful and funny words about men and women in her “I Like to Watch” column in Salon.

Men and women are different. Thank god we’re all old enough to know that now. Thank god we no longer waste our time asking each other impossible questions, like “Why can’t we communicate soulfully, like Gwyneth Paltrow probably does with Chris Martin? Why can’t you smell that smell that I’m smelling? Where are your pants? What’s that on your face? Are you insane or just very stupid? Should I have another margarita?”

If only we knew when we were younger what we know now, that men and women come from different planets, both of them spilling over with their own distinct clich├ęs. Women can try to date touchy-feely types who fold their clothes neatly and put stuff away and meditate, men can try to date “SportsCenter”-watching, back-slapping gals who know how to “hang,” but the divide between the sexes is still too great. Women like to overanalyze, digress, split hairs, muse, contemplate, obsess. Men like to stare at pictures of ass cheeks.

Eventually we figure it out: “I already have to spend the rest of my life with me, why would I want to spend the rest of my life with another person who’s just like me? Isn’t one of me enough?” Ask any gay man: Communing with a like-minded soul mate is no walk in the park. Better to cohabitate with a complete alien whose odd habits and non sequiturs confuse and confound you, since these endless differences will distract you from your own flaws, thus freeing you up to luxuriate in the comfort of self-righteous indignation for the balance of your days on Earth. Dr. Phil be damned: Intimacy is a small price to pay for always being right!

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 11th, 2007 at 7:42 am and is filed under Relationships, Marriage. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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