Are All Men Pedophiles?
by Julie Fletcher
I am deeply disturbed. I read a blog post by a concerned mother over a comment another child’s father had made to her own daughter and how she felt about it. While it is natural for a mother to be protective of her children, it made me think on how society at large perceives men and their connection to children. This is not a jab or attempt to belittle the concerned mother, I won’t link to the post, but I would like to address this type of topic.
In today’s society, it is generally ok for a woman to say she loves children. For a mother to be present at school functions or even in classes, if a man states he loves children the first thought that often comes to mind is ‘Oh my gosh, he must be a pedophile’ or ‘That is so weird’. So generally, all men who love children is a pedophile in many minds. I’ve seen enough of this type of talk in forums, chats, and in person to know this is a major frame of mind.
This is very scary to mothers out there who encourage their children’s fathers to be involved in their children’s lives. A father who spends the same amount of time, if not more, with their children at school, in extra curricular activities, or allowing their children’s friends to visit suddenly is a weirdo. Why is this? There have been women who take advantage of young men or boys throughout time. But I have heard people when viewing such stories covered in the media think the women involved were punished too severely. It is like a rite of passage for a teen boy to be sexually involved with an older woman. Take a peek at any of the American Pie movie series if you don’t believe that one. Older woman + young man/boy= acceptable.
Don’t think I am advocating that older men should be allowed to touch a younger girl. Quite the opposite. Women should be given the same treatment as men who make advances on young girls. It is not fair, not at all. We should all expand our views to first look at a man as a good father for being involved in his child’s life before making assumptions based on his sex.
Sexism is stereotyping people based on their sex alone, not women, people. Men are the victims of sexism far more often than women. We assume men need to fit into a male model that has been moldeed throughout centuries, millennia even. Men are written about undesirably concerning their lack of emotions, insensitivity, hot looks, and beyond. What makes that ok?
Maybe I’ve went off on a rant here, but it irks me to no end how society at large wants everyone to be equal, which in the end means that if you are a woman, minority, or gay it is not acceptable to say anything negative without backlash. I should probably remove the minority from there, because men from all races put up with this type of sexism. Men deserve more respect for just being human. They should not have to fear assumptions being made if they care for their kids and love kids.
All of you guys out there…here’s to you. Keep being who you are, don’t let people or the media get you down. Some of us love ya however you are.
**I have decided to add a note here concerning the above post. I had already written that this is not intended to belittle the poster from the other blog. Her post caused me to think and it led down this path. Any writer or blogger who reads usually finds that their thoughts continue down the ‘what if’ path. One of the best freelance writers out there, Jenna Glatzer, spoke of finding another story within a story. This is what I have done. I have the utmost respect for my fellow bloggers and writers, I would not stoop to making insults nor ‘calling out’ someone on a blog meant for families. Making others think is why we all blog or write, so I thank J. for her original post.**
This entry was posted on Friday, November 30th, 2007 at 12:37 pm and is filed under Parenting, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
November 30th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
[...] The examination of this question is being ably handled by Laura Fuller at the Family Resource Blog. In today’s society, it is generally ok for a woman to say she loves children. For a mother to be present at school functions or even in classes, if a man states he loves children the first thought that often comes to mind is ‘Oh my gosh, he must be a pedophile’ or ‘That is so weird’. So generally, all men who love children is a pedophile in many minds. I’ve seen enough of this type of talk in forums, chats, and in person to know this is a major frame of mind. [...]
November 30th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
Julie-
while I do see your point…a man telling a little girl that she is the prettiest girl is school sends off red flags to me.
Maybe I am prejudiced.Of my 8 children one was sexually molested repeatedly by an adult female and one was sexually harrassed by an adult male. Does this make me more cautious than the average mom? Maybe. Maybe my kids are just more attractive than anyone elses’…or maybe there are a LOT of bad guys out there and they don’t always have the courtesy to wear black hats.
Guys..and girls…step one foot over the comfort zone with my kids and mama bear will be growling.
December 1st, 2007 at 7:36 am
@Marye- That’s one reason I said I wasn’t linking to the original post. This post isn’t really a reply to it, more of a post about the path my mind went down concerning preconceptions about men.
I’m terribly sorry to hear about what happened with your children. I hope that they heal (or have healed) as much as possible. That is a horrible thing to live with.
(To clear things up for anyone else who reads, the post I referred to in the beginning, turns out the mom knows the man in question and his mannerisms are not those of a ‘normal’ well intentioned father. He really does seem to be a creep, male or not)
December 28th, 2007 at 10:53 am
[...] kiaworld article is brought to you using rss feeds.The latest modeling and modeling agency news for new and undiscovered talent.It is like a rite of passage for a teen boy to be sexually involved with an older woman. Take a peek at any of the American Pie movie series if you don’t believe that one. Older woman + young man/boy= acceptable. … [...]
April 18th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Well first off, I think theres nothing wrong about having sexual feelings, urges or even relationships with children as long as they arent hurt in any way. Now People may argue that even having such a relationship with them will hurt them, but why is that, because its parents and society are telling children that its wrong and that causes them to feel embarassed, abused and violated. Thus if a adult has a sexual relationship with a child without harming him/her in any way explaining every little detail and leaving the child to decide what makes it still wrong , because society in its majority has deemed it unusual, unconventional and harmful. Im sorry but thats ignorant. Think about it, 30 years ago we never had these child molesting issues we have now, we didnt have people raping, molesting and murdering children left, right and center. Why is this, because it wasnt as evil and immoral back then to just love or have sexual urges over a child or look lustfully at a child (dont get me wrong raping, molesting, abusing or harming anybody, nevermind a child, is and always should be pure evil), thus people portrayed it as weird but it wasnt a serious crime. Now just hinting at the faintest clue of having sexual urges or no just finding children sexually attractive automatically makes you satan incarnate. This causes a lot more tension and stress on people and as time rolls on and the responses and punishments getting worse for acts that seemed not so bad 30 years ago people tend to get a little more psychotic and out of control thus the increase in child molesting that we see today. Think of it this way, 30 years ago child rape and molesting were virtually unheard of now its one of the most occuring crimes, I mean do the math. Finally thats where my urges come in, I wouldnt mind having a sexual relationship with a prepubescent girl, completely consensual, I mean I cant stress enough the fact on how much I hate child rapests, molesters and murderers I mean I do like girls on a higher level than normal people thus its only natural for me to hate those that hurt them in any way, I sometimes just get pissed if a parent would ignore or yell at their daughter in the mall. Im just saying its unfair that society clumps true pedophiles (child lovers) with child molesters (those that hurt children). I just hope that some day society can open their eyes, and start embracing individuality than pushing it away.
April 20th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Wow.
Just. Um…I can’t even begin to answer this right this moment without turning into a foaming at the mouth b*.