Archive for the 'Mental Health' Category
Publice Service Murder?
Last night I was watching Criminal Minds. Something one of the characters said struck me pretty hard. I haven’t been able to get this out of my mind. This is a subject I feel very strongly on, but I want to know what you think.
In the show, a young boy had been murdered some twenty years before. A child predator had sexually assaulted him, then stabbed him repeatedly. Later, the same pedophile was making advances towards another boy who grew up to be one of the FBI agents. The Agent had vague memories of the situation. His parents had covered up the entire incident and the Agent had blocked much from his mind.
It turned out that the Agent’s mother had found out about the predator making moves on her child and informed the father of the murdered boy. This all happened about a year after thee unsolved murder. She pointed out the predator, who had also been seen with the murdered boy not long before he had been killed. The boy’s father beat the pedophile to death with a baseball bat.
This ‘crime’ had remained unsolved because no one noticed that the predator disappeared. He had a history of exposing himself to young children and the police in not one, but two states did not readily pursue the case of his murder, even when they found a bit of evidence that would have led straight to his killer. One of the characters, a police officer, asked the FBI Agents if they really wanted to pursue and prosecute someone who had performed a ‘Public Service Murder’.
That has really gotten to me. Though I do not feel we have a right to act as a god and choose who lives or dies, when a crime of this nature has been committed, is it really a crime? Removing from the population a predator such as a pedophile, child molester, child murderer, or any serial killer…should we ardently chase down a suspect? Should a father or mother who kills someone who hurt their child in a manner that will scar the child for life or take away their young life, be prosecuted. In this instance, hypothetically let’s say the parent knows without a doubt who the perpetrator is. There is no doubt whatsoever.
Is it wrong? Is there such a thing as Public Service Murder? Please, offer your thoughts.
Posted in Activities, Exercise, Exercise, Health, Healthy Living, Mental Health, Outdoors, Stress Management, Uncategorized, Weight Management | No Comments »
Choosing the Perfect Pet (part 1)
When picking the perfect pet for your family, there are a few things to consider:
*are you and your family ready for a pet — do you have the time and resources to devote to a new pet in the home
*is your child old enough to handle a pet — keeping in mind that your child won’t be mature enough to help out with the pet until eight or so years old
*what kind of pet will fit in with your lifestyle — if you’re a traveler you’ll want a cat as they are more independent and can be left alone for several days.
If you’re a dog person and you’re absolutely sure your family needs a dog, it’s best to consider one between one and five years old. They are more mature than puppies and won’t rough house as much, and they’re still young and spry enough to play with your child.
Some breeds are better known for their family orientated personalities like retrievers and spaniels tend to be gentler and love being played with. Whereas small dogs such as terriers and toy breeds are easily hurt so they are more aggressive with nipping children out of fear. The only sure way to get one that is good with children is to measure the dog and not the breed.
Adoption is a good place to start with looking for a dog. The adoption counselors know the animals and their temperaments to tell if they’d be a good match with kids. A lot of shelters test out their dogs with children to verify if they’re good with them. They also foster dogs out to families with small children to accustom the dog to day to day life for permanent adoption.
Here’s a test to conduct for yourself when you find a dog you’re interested in:
1.) make loud noises and sudden movements and gauge reactions
2.) touch the dog in an intrusive way as a child would.
3.) play with the dogs ears, hold the paws, put your fingers in the mouth
4.) pat him, push him, roll him over
5.) run in a circle and jump up and down
You’re looking for a pet that can handle the rougher handling because until your child learns they won’t always be gentle. If the dog responds calmly to these annoyances you inflicted, chances are you’ve got a good family dog before you.
Next installment will be on how to choose a good family cat….
Posted in Health, Healthy Living, Mental Health, Sleep, Sleep and Rest, Stress Management, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
Postpartum Depression
After pregnancy, some women start to feel like they’re just not ‘right’. Hormonal changes, healing, and taking care of a newborn while still running a household can all attribute to this feeling. In cases, the extra tiredness and sad emotions will begin to fade. In other the symptoms can deepen and become Postpartum Depression.
The word ‘depression’ brings to mind lethargy, avoidance of others, and someone who is constantly sad. This may be true, but depression can also include anger, hallucinations, and intrusive thoughts. Women with post partum depression often do not seek treatment due to feelings of shame and inadequacy. When a woman does not seek help she may eventually lose control and harm herself and potentially others.
Luckily for those of us who have suffered from postpartum depression there are resources readily available on the internet and through understanding health care practitioners. By recognizing symptoms you or your loved one may be experiencing, you can use these resources to find an ending to the suffering brought on by this serious mental disease.
If you are suffering from PPD, you may not even know it. You might feel sad, tired, or angry, but not know why. While it is possible to beat PPD on your own, it’s not recommended. If you do not choose to use medication, there are alternatives like support groups and therapy.
My own story with PPD began in 2002. I had given birth to my second daughter and just didn’t feel ‘right’. I was sad, tired, and felt at a loss each and every day. I began to believe people were talking about me behind my back. It got so bad that I would avoid looking at people in public and if there were more than two cars in a restaurant parking lot, I would make my husband go elsewhere or through a drive through.
I found some information on postpartum depression and decided to take the first step by admitting I had a problem. I talked with my husband, then to my nurse-midwife. We all decided a plan of low level antidepressants would have the best effect on me. Sadly, it turned out that the drug I was taking did nothing for me, except to cause an apathetic outlook. I eventually gave up the medication in favor of support.
In 2004, my third daughter was born and I began to have symptoms of PPD again. This time though, the severity was much worse. Bordering on Postpartum Psychosis, I came very close to being committed several times, and to be honest, I should have been. While I did not have wishes to harm others, each and everyday suicide was a very prominent thought. I refused to admit to having a problem, luckily my husband had been with me through the entire episode of the last PPD issue and knew that this time, there was something seriously wrong.
I began a regimen of the anti depressant Zoloft, with nearly immediate effects. I also found an online support forum on the Ezboard network devoted to PPD. All people affected by PPD was welcome there. Husbands, the victim herself, and other friends and family members. I was able to keep a journal in hopes of finding a pattern in my actions and symptoms. Eventually, I did. Now I use my journal as a way to update other members and let them know there is hope at the end of the dark tunnel that is Postpartum Depression.
Today I am a (fairly) happy mother of four with a budding freelance writing career. I write for online and print media, and I do not worry so much about having a ‘trigger’ set me back into my old depression. There is an end to the PPD, you just have to hold on to your life tightly. Here is a link for those who need more information on PPD. Postpartum Depression Forums
Posted in Concerns and Expectations, Mental Health, Pregnancy | 5 Comments »
Caregivers of the Elderly
During my time as a Certified Nursing Assistant, I spent most of my time caring for nursing home residents who suffered from Alzheimer’s and other dementias. I have seen so many tired and depressed residents, along with families who seem so lost. Dementias can wreak havoc on a family, especially those who do not have the resources or support that they need. In the midst of the doctor’s appointments, the flurry of care decisions, and arguments, the victim and their families lose touch with one another’s needs.
Caregivers tend to forget about themselves. Depression is a danger while caring for a loved one affected by this disease. Feelings of helplessness, loss, anger, and being inadequate runs rampant in the caregiver community. If you are the caregiver or relative of someone suffering from Alzheimer’s, you don’t have to feel this way. There are a multitude of resources available to you online and through your community.
The internet is a vast reservoir of information concerning health topics. Websites, forums, and newsgroups can help you find your way through this time of coping. In most areas there are community based support groups that advertise though Yahoo Groups or Craigslist. Your local newspaper is also an excellent source of support group information. A newspaper will often have times and phone numbers listed to help you in contacting the groups.
If your loved one is already in a long term care facility, try to strike up friendships with the Nursing Assistants who are providing the personal care. Most people think that nurses are responsible for the day to day care of residents, but that just is not true. Yes, nurses oversee the work of CNAs and give medicines, but nursing assistants provide the basic care for all patients. From bathing to feeding, these are the ones who do it all. Forming a relationship with the nursing assistants will also help ensure that your family member gets the proper care they are entitled to. It will also give you a great insight into the condition of your loved one.
Make sure to talk to the CNAs and nurses each time you visit. Being friendly and not agitated in your manner helps keep down miscommunications. These workers can give you so many tips on how to help your loved one be more comfortable and also help alleviate your grief, if only a small fraction. The staff who cares for your relative becomes attached and cares very much for their patients. It’s hard on a CNAor nurse when their patients pass, so they will try to help you learn to walk down your road ahead with grace and understanding.
Posted in Mental Health, Stress Management | 5 Comments »
Motivational Monday: Albert Einstein
“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”- Albert Einstein
Something that bothers me to the extreme is how attached some people get to items. I can understand sentimental value. A few things in my home have been with me for years, mementos of certain people or times. But, hoarding and attaching signifigance to the smallest thing results in a cluttered home and mind. The constant worry of if something is ’safe’ from your children, partner, or guests is stressful. Packing it carefully away reduces it’s real value.
And what is the real value of a sentimental item?
The memories. Yes, the set of dishes your grandmother used on holidays or other special occasions may mean the world to you. But what satisfaction comes from having it packed away? The memories came from the use of them…and how can memories continue to be forged if you wrap them in newspaper?
Handling and using the things that come from ones you loved is the best way to honor them. Of course, some things might be too fragile for everyday use. If finances permit, check into preservation/restoration services. A quilt can be hung on a wall, plates placed in a hutch, and small things like Granpa’s pipe and pocketwatch could make a lovely shadowbox.
Build your memories, don’t pack them away.
Posted in Daily Living, Mental Health, Stress Management | No Comments »
Motivational Monday: Helen Keller
“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”
Helen Keller was born into a life of darkness and silence, yet she overcame these limitations to live a life that lit the darkness for others. The smallest effort is great if it is fufilled to the best of your efforts and talent.
Are you a single mother? A single father? Maybe you are just someone who spends each day going through the motions of living. When was the last time you took a moment to note the good things you do each day? Perhaps you read a book to a child, held the door for someone at the market, or even just made that first cup of coffee for your partner.
Each of these selfless tasks are noble. Every person has something of the great and noble in them and it doesn’t take aspiring to moving mountains to show the world. Just opening your heart to the tiny kindness that each of us perform each day is enough.
Posted in Daily Living, Lifestyles, Mental Health, Stress Management | 1 Comment »
One Whole Week… Are You Serrrrrious?
I have divulged to you my plans (or unplans, as the case may be) to stay home for the holidays - and not commit ourselves to hauling ass all over Tennessee, Alabama and Florida, crammed in a car for eight hours with two kids (and two grown ups) who want more than anything just to be home with their own tree and presents and friends and Christmas dinner, just to appease my mom. Everyone else understands - they have all admitted that they would never entertain the idea driving 8hours during the holiday season with kids. Everyone but my mom. She did it with us when we were kids - no matter where we were in the world, she made sure that we picked ourselves up out of our relaxing holiday and loaded every present, package and suitcase into our minivan just so that she could be near her parents for Christmas. It was crazy. And, I have decided that it is not how I am going to spend my holidays with my kids anymore. I say “anymore” because I tried - for the last six years I have felt obligated and was never prepared to face the insurmountable guilt that I knew my mom would hash out. Buckets of guilt would be slung my way - with precise aim. It’s a gift of hers. Everyone’s gotta be good at something, right?
In her defense, though, these are her only grandkids. They mean the world to her and she means the world to them. But, when I gaiged how excited my son was to stay home, the decision was final. I broke the news to her in, probably, the least sensitive manner I could have mustered. Not intentionally - it just happened that way. I said it very casually and as if it weren’t a big deal - because, once we had made the decision, it wasn’t a big deal. To us. Her reaction was very similar to what I would imagine it would be had I told her that I was secretly a stripper and John was a full time pimp down in the lower east side of Nashville. Appalled. I gave her some time to work it out. After a week, she called and said that she and dad had decided that they, if it was alright with us, wanted to pick the kids up the day after Xmas and take them down to Disney World. I know part of the reason is she wants the kids to be around her family for a holiday - and that Disney World is a guise for that. But, hell, I’ll take it.
And, the she said “We’ll be back on New Year’s Eve”. Wait. That’s a whole week. Hold. On. Just. A. Damn. Minute. I’m torn. Half of me (the half that wants to feel like a cutloose and fancy free 29year old) is jumping for joy and spinning cartwheels out on the sunlit, dewey front lawn. The other half (you know, the mom part that can’t imagine her kids away from her - flying down the highway at warp speed with her half deaf father who can barely see through his five inch long old man eyebrows and her junk food addicted mother [godbless'em]) is flipping out and damn near an anxiety attack about it.
A week. That’s a long, looooong time. John, of course, is already counting the hours of sleeping in that a week without the kids amounts to. I, on the other hand, will probably wake up every morning at 630am wishing that a little boy would climb in my bed and warm his toes on my belly and that I could hear a two year old in her crib singing a morning song to herself.. Being a mother is quite certainly one of the most beautiful forms of torture on this planet.
Posted in Daily Living, Holidays, Mental Health, Uncategorized, Vacation and Travel | No Comments »
What is Happening to Me?
A little known fact about me. I once helped liberate fourteen animals from a labratory that was affiliated with a major drugstore chain. It was all very covert and nondestructive. We saved fourteen animals and gave them good homes. I hope I don’t go to jail for admitting this online. It was many, many years ago and I was very young - certainly wasn’t the master mind of the operation. But I went.
My point in divulging any of this to you is because my identity (if you haven’t noticed from previous blogs) is becoming somewhat illusive to me these days. I don’t care to be a fist raising activist or someone who is righteously ethical - though that was an outfit I wore for many years. But, where is the line? How do we creep into being a reasonable adult with a balanced perspective about their lifestyle without entirely becoming a sell out? My fear is that I am not becoming “balanced” but lazy.
I have started taking long walks in the morning. 530am is my target rising time - though it is hard to get out of bed before 6am. During these long walks alone, I have been thinking. Thinking about my past. Thinking about my present. Obsessively thinking about my future and what kind of person I am turning into. I have also started to think about who I am not any longer. Everyone around me seems so pleased to know that I have “loosened up” - I eat fish, I wear leather, I had turkey for Thanksgiving, I drive something very similar to a small SUV (alright, it is a small SUV..), I let my kids watch TV now (only PBS but, still…). I am far from a perfectionist - seriously. I never adhered to a “no-TV-vegetarian-econocar-driving” lifestyle because I was a perfectionist about my lifestyle. Admittedly, I did it out of guilt. I couldn’t bear having any responsibility for destruction of any kind and, when I had kids, I didn’t want them to be comfortable living an overindulged, destructive lifestyle either. So, what gives? What switch got flipped in me? Am I being lazy or just figuring out how to work within the constraints of the society around me?
I guess, mostly, I just want to know why I can’t turn it off. I see all these people, every day, living so simply and easily. They glide through their day,without even an inkling of a thought for their actions and behaviour. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be like that, I just want to find a middle ground. Somewhere, there has got to be a middle ground.
Posted in Daily Living, Lifestyles, Mental Health | No Comments »
Autumnal Bliss and Frolicky Tots
Somehow I scored a weekend off of work and was able to have a much needed date day/night with my son. Saturday we started the day off right with several very impressive estate sales and yard sales. I know, that seems like something only mommy might enjoy. But, you’re wrong. Dead wrong. My six year old son has turned into quite a rumamge sale junkie - and he is a much better bargainer than I am. He has the whole sweet, innocent “how much for this teddy bear - it will be my first teddy bear - sniffle, sniffle” that I can’t pull off and usually manages to get everything for next to nothing.
We then spent the afternoon at a birthday party where we painted pumpkins, drank hot chocolate, painted our faces and played in the most gorgeous weather I have seen in Nashville this year. We ate chocolate cake and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches like there was no tomorrow.
After our happy gallivanting at the park, we headed home - wind chapped cheeks and rosy nosed - to get cleaned up for our fancy dinner date at Margot (one of the best places to eat in town). We put on our most comfortable clothes - and still managed to look classy as penguins. We settled into our cozy, candle lit table - ordered sprite and wine (respectively, for him and me) and enjoyed the best meal and the best company ever.
Originally, I had made the reservations for me and John. Alas, as is usual, we could not acquire (nor afford) a babysitter - so I figured, why not take a date (an equally romantic date) with my son. I have to tell you - it was one of the best days in my life.
Then on Sunday the whole crew carved pumpkins on our front porch, took long walks collecting leaves, fed geese and ducks in the park, made french toast, played in the backyard and had an all around beautiful day. If it sounds idylic and magnificent - it’s because it was…
And, I’m happy to report - the ants have settled in (quite nicely, might I add).. We watched them for some time yesterday getting their new home properly set up. They are fascinating creatures - they collect the dead, bury them, help each other carry heavy loads.. They each have their place and they each have their task. They rest when it is time and they work (hard!) when it is time. Something to be admired in any creature.
God, I love autumn and renewal and work and play and feeling purposeful in life.. There is no time like this time of the year.
Posted in Daily Living, Healthy Living, Mental Health | No Comments »
My Britney Spears Moment…
I can honestly say that I, since high school, I haven’t worried much about impressing people. The parental cliques on the school playground make me nothing more than amused and damned happy that I have better things to do than to gossip about my own friends and complain about my husband. I am very comfortable with my typical outcast position with these people - I like that they think I am weird and too “different” to get to know. I like that they stare in disgust at my ten year old puma tennis shoes as if they were covered in elephant dung. And I adore the ugly, ugly fact that once I bought a car that met their approval and they all wanted to “hang” with me that I took great joy in sincerely showing no interest at all. My point is that I am far beyond really giving a crap who thinks what about me or my kids, especially from the PTA or PTO or whatever they call themselves these days. That being said, let me tell you about my most recent Harris Teeter trip. I may as well have been barefoot, had a cigarette hanging out from between my knocked out teeth and pregnant - because that’s about as classy as I felt.
It was a bad, bad time of the day. You know, that 430pm time of the day when you just want to crawl under a rock and hide but instead you decide it would be the perfect time to load the kids in the car and go grocery shopping? I was tired, the kids were tired and I was starting to get that constricted feeling in my throat and that twitchy look on my face. I decided that, instead of shooting menacing looks to all the women in suits calling their children “dahhhling”, I would bury my face in the newest edition of OK! Magazine while we waited in line. I had no idea that Anna Nicole’s son died and I was having a quiet moment of reflection while I simultaneously wondered when Katie was going to freak out and murder Tom Cruise in his sleep. While I am in deep musing over the going ons in Hollywood I hear, “Um, Hi Lisa”..
I look up. It’s her. It’s the leader of the cool kids on the playground. The ex-lawyer, lexus driving Molly Ringwold of Eakin PTO. And I casually put down my magazine - “Hey, June, just, you know, catching up on Anna Nicole - did you know her SON died”. note about lisa when she is caught off guard by someone that she knows hates her: she starts talking about shit she really doesn’t care about. incessantly.
“Yeah, so I guess it was a car accident”.. and as I am blathering on about it, I notice she is looking at my children with great distaste. I knew that were covered in dirt - I actually let them play at the playground and only wiped the dirt off their faces, leaving the hands and clothes nicely covered - the HORROR.. Her kids had apparently had several costume changes since school let out because they looked pristine and like they just walked out of a Janie and Jack store. But, when I looked back at my kids (whom I had been only moderately paying attention to until her sneers prodded me into taking my nose out of OK! Magazine) I saw, to my own malaise, my two year old daughter had apparently swiped a ten foot long beef jerky and was peeling the plastic off with her teeth and devouring it and my son was doing the pee pee dance while singing “should’a gone pee but now I ‘ll have to find a tree to go pee ooooonnn….” with great operetic flare.. I turned back around and she was walking away - “Ummm, ok, well - see you tomorrow!” I beckon - hoping she’ll nod some kind of affirmation that I wasn’t the most disgusting, negligent parent on the face of the Earth. She just looked over her shoulder, hiked up her Prada bag and said “um, yeah, whatever”.
To make matters worse, when I got to the car I looked in mirror to give myself a little happy Stuart Smiley affirmation but, found that I couldn’t. Once I looked in the mirror and saw the really nice piece of basil that was stuck in my teeth from my afternoon snack with Maggie AND my bra strap hanging out from under my tank top (that was, prior to the shot of afternoon heat a mere undershirt), I had to admit that the situation didn’t look good for me and my “image”. I can honestly say, I was mortified. I am sure that she will go back and relay this information to all of her PTA pals - but that’s not the part that really bothers me. The part that really bothers me is that she thinks her world is reality. I mean, I guess it is her reality. But it’s not my reality. Why couldn’t she just leave me alone and let me finish reading my trashy article about whether or not Anna Nicole’s son was on drugs and leave my daughter to her beef jerky? Why call out my redneck moment like that? Seriously. Just get in your SUV and drive lady. Just get on wit’cha bad botox injected self and let me have a bad afternoon in the privacy of my OK! magazine.
Posted in Daily Living, Mental Health | 1 Comment »
