Archive for the 'Child Development' Category
“I have no problem spanking you in front of all these people…”
This is what I actually said to my six year old son yesterday. It’s true. I never thought those words would come out of my mouth, but, I haven’t been able to stop saying things like this for the last two or three weeks.. He is driving me crazy - he knows it and he is loving every minute of it. What the f*!# do I do?
I spent a good two hours on the phone with one of my closest friends a couple of nights ago. She doesn’t have a six year old yet, but she has three kids and I value her opinion and respect her capacity to keep cool with three kids all under the age of five. I get exhausted just watching her. But, she has utter control over those babies. Complete. Meanwhile, my son is pulling my daughter’s pants down and hitting her in the head (he calls this love tapping) with a plastic butterfly net and my voice seems like nothing but white noise to him (I probably just sound like a fly in his ear at this point)… Most of the time he is golden. But there is always a large chunk of our day that requires huge discipline. He doesn’t respond to anything other than physical discipline during those times. No, I don’t mean I hit or spank him - what I mean is that if, for example, I am telling him to “stop” spinning in the chair that (after two times of stating verbally that I need him to quit) I have to go over and physically take him off the chair and remove him from the situation. This was the same thing I had to do when he was 3(!) and I just don’t feel like I should have to do it with a six year old.
Anyway, I am trying out some new books and think that I need to have a consistant system to my discipline with him. I need something that works for a 6year old - something that will help him understand he is in control of himself (and only himself - that is another issue: he seems to think his sister is his toy or possession) and something to help him realize that he is at his best (and having more fun) when he is listening and working well with others.
There is a series of books that started with the Love and Logic principle. It was written by Jim Fay. I have looked through the website and so far I am impressed with the ideology of it. It seems realistic and unlike a lot of other parenting guides (don’t you find that a lot of them are a little hokey and drippy? maybe it’s just me..). I think it will be geared toward my need for compassion and my son’s inherent and strong logical side (I tend to be a little too “wordy” and give too much info - he needs directness and exactness).
I’ll let you know how it is going along the way…
Posted in Child Development, Daily Living, Parent Education, Parenting | No Comments »
My Six-Year-Old Son Hates Change
Six year olds are peculiar little characters. Mine, in particular, has a strong tendency toward meltdowns if anything even remotely out of his routine is in engaged in. He avoids spotaneity as if it were the plague and, you can bet your last penny that if you change even the slightest smidge of his expected routine, that he is going to (perhaps inadvertently) have a huge meltdown at some point in the day.
Case in point: Today we traveled from Nashville to Florida to visit family and to rest and recenter after the icky month we have had. Rather than stop at our usual spot for a long, sit-down lunch, we thought we would save some time and eat on the road and then stop later at a bookstore and a park that we knew was along the way. All things pointed to “happy vacation” until we stopped at said bookstore and my son had a meltdown which worked it’s way into quite a nasty tantrum, the likes which I have never, ever, seen. His wailing and screaching created a stir amongst the other bookstore patrons - the kind of buzz that begins when someone feels that, perhaps, they should contact authorities or maybe a swat team.. It was horrific.
As much as I hate to admit it, my son is such a routine junkie, that my husband and I believe firmly that it was simply because we had made one, simple, unexpected change to his normal way of traveling. What was a small glitch of changeto us was, to him, a massive upheaval of emotional stress.
Second case in point: Once we arrive at my folk’s house - my mom decides that she wants to have a spontaneous (gasp! there’s that word again!) swim in the pool with my son. She jumps in with shorts and a shirt and hollars for him to join her. He can’t do it. He loves swimming and he has been waiting to get in this pool all year. The problem: He has to be in proper swimming garb - this means that he spent twenty minutes looking for me and getting me to unpack the car and dig through the bags for his swimtrunks. When I couldn’t find them, I told him to just take off his shirt and socks and to go for it! “Look, Nana’s in there with all her clothes on - go get her!”. You would have thought that I had just told him to go rob a bank. An utter look of fear and anxiety arose in his little innocent eyes. He eventually got in, but with much hesitation and severe coaxing from me and my mom that is was very OK to get in without sanctioned swimtrunks on.
It has left me wondering what has caused this in my sweet little boy? And is anyone else experiencing this?
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Working Parents and Child Development
Margaret Dines has an interesting article in the Silver City Daily Press regarding the impact of working parents and their children. She explores the following realities:
- Your children are with other people more than they are with you.
- our children become insecure or shy.
- You lose touch with your spouse.
- You lose touch with yourself.
Posted in Child Development, Parenting | No Comments »
