Archive for the 'Sex' Category

Don’t Lose Sight..

Raising a child is hard, but harder still is not losing sight of your partner in the process. With the high demands children place on your attention, time, and energies, it is easy to fall into the habit of tumbling into bed in exhaustion without a thought for your partner. Children are a blessing to any union but don’t forget how they got there in the first place. Eventually the center-of-your-world will grow up and leave the nest and then it’s just you and your partner again — seems like it’d be a good thing to keep that relationship alive.

Make a date. Date nights are hugely important. They don’t always have to be a “go out” on a date that isn’t always financially viable. If you can’t find a sitter or pay the exorbitant price of an evening movie with dinner once or twice a week, then have your date in. Eat a light snack when you feed the kids dinner and after they’ve gone to bed sit down to a romantic candle light dinner and then cuddle on the couch to a movie.

Do things together. It doesn’t always have to be about romance. Find something the two of you like to do and when the children have gone to bed, do the activity together. Play board games, video games, cards, anything that involves the two of you spending time together with which you can visit as well.

Spice it up. If you and your partner are into board games or cards add a little zest to the mix. Make it sexy, play for clothes, and fantasies. I invented a wicked game of adult Scrabble and a die. The rules are simple, after each complete turn, the person with the least amount of points takes off an item of clothing. What’s that you say? Scrabble takes a long time to play and you eventually will run out of clothes. I thought of that. After your clothes are gone then you roll the die three times. The first roll is for the body part (make a list one through six. I just did a list of three and repeated it). The second roll is for what activity that body part is engaged in. The third roll is for the length of time. When the game is over the winner gets the grand prize of having a fantasy or something they’d like fulfilled. Sounds like fun, right? Something like that can be done with anything if you just put your mind to it.

Hold hands. Don’t forget to touch one another even if it’s a simple hand holding or hand around the waist. Nothing says, “Hey I’m here and thinking about you,” than a simple touch. It’s not possible to touch your partner all the time but it’s easy to throw it in throughout the day — when you walk by them pat their rumps, caress their shoulders, or lightly brush against them.

Notes and love letters. Little notes in your partner’s lunch or love letters left where they can find them are an easy way to let your partner know they’re on your mind. In this highly electronic age it’s easy to flash your partner an e-mail. It can range from a just thinking of you message to a naughty this is what I’d like to do to you/for you message.

Relationships take a lot of work when you are just a couple and they take exponentially more when you bless your partnership with a child. Don’t lose sight of each other eventually you’ll be left to your own devices again and if you haven’t “seen” each other in eighteen or so years you just might know what to do.

Posted in Uncategorized, Relationships, Building and Maintaining, Marriage, Sex | No Comments »

Kindle Some Passion.

Holding It Together

With the overextended schedule many couples have these days, is it any wonder that no one has time for sex? Shuttling the kids to school, after school activities, working differing schedules, all of this leaves little to no time for couples to be as intimate as they were dating. Sex is the first thing to go, it seems, when everyone is tired. And sex is the superglue of marriages; when the intimacy deteriorates, everything else will as well.

You may feel too tired to put any effort into reviving a seemingly lifeless love life. But the end result will surprise you. A little extra effort on the part of one partner can go a long way. Instead of the functional goodbye kiss, why not slip a little passion into it? Surprise your partner by letting them know you really /will/ miss them. A sexy wink afterwards can only ignite wonder and a reciprocating spark.

Sneak a sexy note into their briefcase or lunch. If this is a bad idea, in case of it falling out in front of a boss, then write a sexy email and send it to your partner’s personal inbox. If they enjoy television after all the kids are in bed, grab a snack and cuddle up to them. Feed your partner little bites of the snack, because food, like sex, is a basic need and can be very sensual.

If you live in an area where you can sit and watch the heavens, try it. Spending time with your loved one under the stars can help you connect. You can find a lovely photo of a meteor and a link to information about the Persids, here. A meteor shower is something wonderful to share together. How many wishes can you both make?

You will find that if you take just a little time to do these little things, your own passion will grow.

For more ideas, take a peek at what I’ve found!

The Impact Of Intimacy

6 Tips For Keeping Spark Alive In Your Marriage, After Children

Relationship Glue

Posted in Parenting, Dating, Marriage, Sex, Divorce and Separation, Stress Management | No Comments »

I Get Dizzy Just Watching…

I have two sets of friends who each have three kids.  They are brilliant and capable women.  I never thought I would be able to have two kids and somehow I pull it off, sometimes moderately well.  I think something takes you over when you have kids and you just act instead of thinking of acting.  When I watch these women, with their brood of children and their insanity just a boat ride away, I feel nothing but complete admiration for their strength.  Aaaaaaand a huge dose of relief for the fact that I don’t have three kids.  As much as going from an only child to two children is a shock - going from two to three seems maniacally deranged.  You’re outnumbered and, when you’re outnumbered, it seems you live in a complete state of cyclical dizzyness that is gaining control, losing control, taking deep breaths to maintain control, gaining control, losing control, taking deep breaths……..

So.  To keep myself from being faced with something I don’t think I will ever be capable of - I have started to think about serious (not just whimsically basing it on the moon cycle) birth control.  Until my husband gets the snippity snip (soon!) we are having to change our ways to insure that our perfectly numbered family and my moderately stable sanity doesn’t get rocked.  Check it out in our health section.

Posted in Lifestyles, Health, Sex | 2 Comments »

Ok.. umm. So.. It Goes a Little Like This..

Holy BU-jeeeeeebus!!!!!  Last night as I tucked my formerly innocent, tender faced six year old into his bed to dream about knights and horses and fast cars and things that have nothing (nothing!) to do with sex (right??) he popped the question.  My head is still spinning from the incident - an incident, quite, frankly, that I was no where NEAR prepared for.

Kid:  “Gosh, I’m so glad that I am not a girl.  Having to go the hospital and get needles poked in your arm and back to have a baby looks like it stinks”

note:  unlike most of my friends and east nashville mothers-in-arms, I happily had both my children with lots and lots of drugs.  Though, I can tell you that I tried to be all natural and made it until I was trying, desperately, to rip my husband’s face off and nearly succeeded in sinking my nails into his forearm.  He still has scars. and nightmares.

Me:  “Well, not all mommies have needles and go to a hospital.  But, it does hurt and it isn’t really any fun.. At all.  But we get beautiful children that we get to love and… blah blah blah”  (you can picture the rest, right?).

Kid:  “Soooooo, does the guy have to be put in the hospital to - uh- get the seed out?  Or, wait, so how does that work exactly?”

This was the point in which I shoved my fingers in my ears and starting singing “mary had a little lamb” to wash out the filth (utter filth!) that was coming (no pun, sorry) out of my son’s mouth………”how does it work exactly??”…. I can’t go into exactly…….. there will be no “exactly” here.. stop.. no more questions…. who put this garbage into your head!?!?

Me (calmly and angelically):  “Well, ummmm, see, it’s kinda like, well, you know, it goes in and that’s all - do you understand now??”

Kid:  “what are you talking about? I want to know how a boy gets his seed to a girl’s belly and how it comes out of him.  Do they have to go to the bathroom and take off their clothes to do it?”

Me: “The bathroom is only for when you have guests who are using your bedroom - wait, I mean - no, not necesarrily..”

Kid: ” So, then how does it work?  Does he put something up her butt??”

WHAT??? WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Me: “Woah.. No. No.  No..  Ok.  Look.  It is a very special thing that mommies and daddies do when they decide they want to have a baby.  The daddy puts his penis in the mommy (wince) and his seed goes into her belly to make a baby.”

Kid:  “But WHERE mom?  Which hole?  Her ear? Her nose??  Her mouth?”

Alright, I’m thinking, which perverted kid brought the russian porn to school?  I swear it must have been the doctor’s kid.. they ALWAYS have weird sex books and videos.. damn it!

Me: “Women have a special hole made just for a seed to be put in”

Kid: ”Does it hurt?  I bet it hurts and you hate it when daddy does it to you”

There was no stopping John Mellancamp’s “Hurts so good” from immediately popping into my head. 

Me:  “You’ll understand one day, Joseph.  But, no.  It doesn’t hurt and it is a special, fun thing that mommies and daddies share.”

What the hell.. Did I just say fun?  I did.  I just told my six year old that sex is fun.. Idiot. idiot.. idiot…..

It went on like this for at least another five minutes.  I could tell he smelled the fear and sheer terror in me and he loved every minute of it.  Why did I not see this coming? 

After I satiated his urge to know everything sexual, I tucked him in again - feeling like a totally insufficiant mother.  He seemed content, though - I am not sure if it was because he got his questions answered or if it was because he made his mother squirm unlike she has ever squirmed before..

Regardless, I kissed him goodnight, rubbed our noses together and started humming a lullabye to get him so sleep…. “sometimes love don’t feel like it should.. you make it.. hurt so good…”



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Did You Really Just Say That Outloud?

It’s fair to say that I do my share of sticking my foot in my mouth.  But, there are some people on this earth that do it and don’t even realize that they are being total freakizoids… Yes.  I said freakizoids.

So, my husband’s new schedule has meant that he is gone three nights a week until 10pm.  The other days he is gone from 630am until 3pm.  We have some truly, and our only, romantic time at 3pm when we meet at our son’s school and we walk from our cars (which we parked very romantically next to each other) to our son’s school playground to pick him up at which time I hand off our daughter and the still unfinished to-do list and turn right back around and make my way back to my car at 315pm - which is when I shlepp off to work.  Yeah.  It’s loads of fun.

As I was divulging this information to one of my girlfriends the other day at pickup she said, and I’m not kidding you, “God, aren’t you scared that, with that kind of schedule, your husband might get all lonely and hook up with one of his students?”.

Ok. Um, what?  Yes, my husband is a college professor.  But, no, that does not mean he tries to hook it up with his students.  And it is completely beside the point that I used to be one of his students.  COMPLETELY beside the point.  And, exactly, what was my response supposed to be to that?  “Oh, yeah, we’re totally cool with each other like that - you know, I don’t want to hold him down….” - wait, wait, sorry, I just puked in my own mouth a little just from typing it! 

I dunno.  I just wonder what would have to possess me to say something like that to someone about their husband.  I am completely aware that men think about sex like 75% of the day but I would never, ever, have the audacity to challenge someone’s marriage like that.  The reality is that, even despite our ridiculous schedule right now, our marriage is stronger than ever.  Infidelity is low on my list of concerns.  My husband is more concerned with getting time alone in his studio with his little clay sculptures than he is, any day, of getting in some little tart’s pants.  Of course I trust my husband.  I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and try to break into his work email - you know, just to see how he’s doing today…

Posted in Infidelity, Jealousy, Marriage, Sex | 3 Comments »