Moving Past Self Destructive Tendencies

By: Dan Solomon

Life has its sets of twists and turns, but we learn to be flexible. When things seem hopeless and we feel that we can't adapt anymore, we reach out for help. I remember dealing with a very personal issue in my life. It seemed as though I just couldn't defeat it alone. I went to my Pastor, who was also a trusted friend. I laid that issue out to him. Through prayer and the process of confronting that issue, I gained victory. The lesson that I learned from that experience was that before something overtakes you, you get help. We all know when something has become unbearable or sense the feelings of sinking into oblivion.

Don't allow yourself to live in isolation. We all need somebody. We love ourselves, but we still have the need to be affirmed by others. It feels good to hear, "I love you" or "thank you". We aren't alone in this world, somebody loves you. We all have something to offer; a gift, talent, an experience, love, and or a helping hand. Everybody loves and admires someone, somebody needs you. Life wouldn't be the same without you. Feeling alone in a crowded room or in an empty house, find someone inspiring to talk with and or help meet a need. When we give of ourselves, life can be an oasis.

Learning to deal with shame and guilt is a crucial part of coping with life's struggles. As we look back over our lives, we all have hurt people and we've all been hurt in some way. We can all think of things we regret doing. We can strive to make amends. Forgiving yourself is a crucial step. Do we know anybody who has not made mistakes in life? We all have. Start doing good things and helping someone, and let our good deeds outweigh our failures and injuries to others.

We have to learn to deal with our emotional engine. When we let our emotional engine run so hard we often turn to self destructive tendencies.

Overcome your pain with good, show somebody some love and let it brighten your day. When you outlive the pain, you will be glad you didn't give up.

Here are some strategies you can do if you find yourself in a self destructive cycle:

1. Don't be alone; this is not the time for isolation. Spend time with a clergy, therapist, parent, sibling, friend or any positive adult.
2. Remove yourself from objects or situations that could seriously harm you. Don't drive if you can't trust yourself to get to the destination safely, call someone to pick you up or use a taxi service. 

3. Remembering the good times is very important. Focus on the things that are going well in your life. Think on the people that have had a positive effect on you and remember the people on whom you have made a positive impact.
4. What has made you happy, confident, and at peace in your life? Meditate on those positive things. Look through photo albums that bring back pleasant memories with smiles and laughter.
5. What strategies can you think of to get through this situation? Begin to brainstorm with some positive, but knowledgeable people. Research stories of how people with similar situations gained victory.
6. Where would you like to be in five or ten years, after choosing to out live the pain? Begin making plans that will help you fulfill those goals.
7. After consulting your physician and per instructions, become more physically active. Group exercise can be a great source of inspiration.
8. Began to challenge and stimulate yourself mentally. Read self-help, positive thinking, and inspirational books for enjoyable living.


Dan Solomon is the author of The Price of Favor WWWJS.  Dan has served as deacon, church trustee, Bible study and adult Sunday school teacher for his church in addition to director of a ministry for boys, missionary president, and head of prayer warrior's group. He and his wife Shirley are the parents of two sons and live in Warner Robins, GA. For more information visit


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