Six good alternatives to spanking
Parents know that there are times when children are not amenable to reason. Many parents who spank their children consider it a necessary act of last resort. However, new research is increasingly showing that spanking teaches children how to act in aggressive and sometimes violent ways, which can impact on a child's chances of a successful relationships and job prospects. So if spanking is not the answer, what is?
1) Take a deep breath and calm down
Things may be out of control at home. The phone is ringing, dinner is burning in the oven, the dogs are barking, and the children are running riot in fighting with each other. Before you blow your stack, take a few deep breaths and evaluate your own emotions. Sometimes parents spank their children because they are about to lose it themselves. You may be able to step back and mentally take control of the situation.
2) Set out the options
It's important to let your child know that there is an option to spanking. If your child is misbehaving and throwing her toys say to her "Would you like to put your toys away or would you like to sit and play quietly?". She may need further prompting and some assistance, but you are clearly spelling out the alternatives that are acceptable.
3) Ask logical questions and explain logical consequences
As children grow older they become more amenable to logic and responsibility. It is sometimes helpful to ask the child how they might rectify their mistakes. In the event of damage property you could say calmly but firmly " I saw you damage my property, accidents happen sometime. What will you do to fix the damage?". A child might accept to do some washing, weaved the garden, or run some errands in response to a broken window.
4) Set the rules in advance
It's important to set clear and firm ground rules for your children. A mother and father may reward the child on weekly shopping trips if the preceding behaviour that week has been good. In forming children in advance of the consequences of their bad behaviour empowers them and reduces their feelings of helplessness. In this scenario a mother may warn her child to improve their behaviour or risk forfeiting their weekly reward.
5) Be compassionate but firm
Instead of spanking a younger child for his tantrum, try picking him up and putting him alone in another room. Calmly tell him he can return soon, and have another try at behaving well.
6) Set time limits in advance
Sometimes it helps to give children and advance notice of time restrictions. A father might get a better response from telling his child 10 minutes to the bedtime and to finish out their computer game, rather than giving a moments notice. This allows the child time to finish up and may avert a tantrum.