Holiday Tips For Stepfamilies: Let Go Of The “Brady Bunch” Fantasy!
By: Lisa Cohn
When Bill and I first formed our stepfamily, I had many fantasies about how our family would behave like the "Brady Bunch" over the holidays -- a happy, harmonious unit. Then reality struck, and we couldn't even agree on how to decorate the Christmas tree! Ultimately, we created a "his" side with multi-colored, blinking lights and tinsel-and a "hers" side with hand-painted eggs and popcorn strings. Seven years later, I can tell you that trying to create a "Brady Bunch" holiday sets stepfamilies up for failure. Instead, I suggest you follow these tips:
- Examine and try to let go of your "Brady Bunch" fantasies.
- Continue "old" holiday traditions with your biological kids while creating new ones for the stepfamily.
- If the kids don't buy into your fantasy holiday, try to see the world from their point of view.
- Practice the fine art of silence when your stepfamily is stressed by the holidays. You don't have to share all your negative feelings.
- Don't compete with your children's "other" parents by showering kids with expensive gifts.
- Stepmoms, reach out to your stepkids' mother. Buy her a gift. Tell her you appreciate her children.
- Don't fight with ex-spouses about how much time you will spend with children over the holidays. It only hurts the children
- Invite your ex-spouses over for a holiday party. Brace for surprises.
- Join a stepparent support group to share the many feelings about "family" that come up during the holiday season.
Lisa Cohn is co-author of One Family, Two Family, New Family: Stories And Advice For Stepfamilies, a 2004 Gold National Parenting Publications Award winner. For more information, visit http://www.stepfamilyadvice.com/