One of the most significant underlying assumptions that many people internalize is, “I must avoid conflict at all costs; if I let others know what I think and feel, I might get disappointed and hurt.” However, “sweeping things under the rug” tends to eventually magnify unresolved interactions and events. Resentment, which looms on the other side of our passive behavior, clouds our confidence and judgment.
Many couples get caught up in arguing over the typical problems that plague relationships. The list of topics that couples “lock horns” over is actually quite short. Generally, couples feud over finances, household tasks, in-laws, parenting issues, and lack of trust. Conflict resolution takes work and patience.
One of the major presenting problems that couples bring to the counseling process is financial conflict. Many partners believe that if the issues of finances can be resolved, then their relationship will be restored. However, financial conflict in marriage is symptomatic of various underlying problems that warrant exploration.
Couples often wonder why they get into intense and hurtful arguments over seemingly insignificant things
No doubt about it, marital squabbles and even ugly fights usually increase after children come along. The causes are painfully familiar to us all: sleep deprivation, little time for oneself, feeling let down, vicious cycles of finger-pointing, the in-laws, etc. etc.
The question of disengaging from one’s family, or from a particular member of the family, often comes up in my counseling work with individuals and couples. Many people have been taught that it is wrong to pull away from one’s family ? that one should keep the family unit intact at all costs.
When faced with adultery, betrayal or other relationship hurdles, people react in different ways. Some shut down. Some run away. Some call Ricki Lake or Jerry Springer. No one can tell you what acts or events a relationship can overcome and which ones are deal-breakers. However, it is critical that, when faced with a devastating relationship event, you take responsibility and deal with, not hide from, the problem.
Living with Aggressively Angry People The most important consideration in living with someone who is aggressively angry is safety. You need to be able to feel safe in your home. If the person you are living with has a tendency to be aggressive in ways that are threatening, you need to set clear boundaries about these behaviors. If those boundaries are broken, you need to call the police.