Coping With Anger
By: Ron Huxley, LMFT
Step 1: Awareness - Be aware of how you and others experience and express anger
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Body Experiences: Clenched teeth, muscle tension, rapid heart beat, etc.
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Verbal Cues: Sarcastic remarks, raised voice, put-downs, etc.
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Nonverbal Cues: Red face, toe-tapping, fists clenched, hold breath, etc.
Step 2: Creating Safety - Make sure you and others are physically and emotionally safe.
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Assess for danger: Alcohol or drug use, weapons, intensity of rage, etc.
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Remove yourself from the power struggle temporarily to cool down.
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Diffuse the anger by using a calm voice and validating the others feelings.
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Redirect the anger into a safer form of expression or detect the real cause of the anger ("you are not angry at me, you are really angry at the car not starting...the overdue bills...the loss of privileges...").
Step 3: Understand Your Trigger Thoughts - Detect, dispute, and discriminate your irrational beliefs to create more productive effects.
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Use your anger diary to determine the thoughts that lead you to anger. Be objective in looking at your thoughts. Challenge those that lead you to anger and change them to more rational and less anger producing thoughts.
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Get professional help to overcome those thoughts that you cannot deal with yourself or are having a tough time determining lead you to anger.
Step 4: Utilize Problem-Solving Techniques and Make An Anger Management Plan.
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Brainstorm Ideas (What have I already tried? What was successful in the past? What would I like to see happen differently?)
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Use small, realistic steps. You cannot change BIG anger problems overnight.
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Set priorities. You cannot do everything that may need to get done. Write a list and choose the most important one to start. Do that one before doing any other things.
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Find a support group to encourage and give you feedback.
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Evaluate your progress.
Step 5: Reflect On Your Progress - Don't be discouraged by failure. Failure is normal and part of the learning process. Have the courage to be imperfect and learn from your mistakes.
Ron Huxley is the author of Love & Limits: Achieving a Balance in Parenting and the editor of Parentingtoolbox.com