You thought your marriage would last forever and it didn’t. Even then, you couldn’t imagine that your former partner would marry again. Now they have. Whether it’s dealing with children, mutual friends, etc., there may be times when you and the new wife are in the same locale. Whether your initial reaction to the new woman is affection, ambivalence, pity, or anger, here are some things to consider when thinking about your relationship with the new wife.
Like getting off a roller coaster, many divorcees exit their first marriage dizzy with confusion and emotions and not quite able to find their balance. It isn’t an easy process to move from a “we” to a “me,” but often this can be a valuable opportunity to transform your life with more self-esteem, fulfillment and personal happiness. If you haven’t taken the time or made the effort to recover from your divorce and rebuild yourself, then another marriage may not be the best idea. It’s hard to be a healthy “we” if you aren’t a well-rounded, stable “me.”
There are MANY unhealthy ways to deal with the emotional ramifications of a divorce. Instead of using all that energy in a negative way, try to channel it into the process of transforming yourself through this transition. The best way to do this is to develop a plan to help lead you through the jungle of feelings before you wind up in the quick sand that is emotional overload.
So it’s official—you are getting a divorce. Wait, don’t head straight for the couch with bonbons and a box of tissues. Now is not the time to fall apart; it’s a time to step up to the plate and take control of your situation, effectively managing your divorce and transforming yourself through this transition. You have to take care of business and, in the coming months, there will be plenty of time to take care of yourself, too.
Starting your divorce process without legal counsel is like biking without a helmet or going to a movie without popcorn—people do it, but it seems a little strange. Always have initial consultations with a lawyer. However, there are ways to avoid ugly court trials by utilizing either mediation or arbitration.
Should your divorce process lead you to the courthouse, you’ll probably find yourself out front clicking your heels and chanting, “There’s no place like home.” You may walk through that corridor with terror on your face, sighing, “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my.” And, too often, the courtroom itself becomes a battleground with war cries of “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!” Divorce trials can be extremely trying—both emotionally and financially. You’ll do better if you follow these tips like they’re your yellow brick road:
Instead of merely vegging on the couch with the latest divorce self-help book, try writing a little yourself and creating a journal that will help you better process your feelings and create a new life story that leaves you stronger, happier and more independent.
Anyone who has navigated the rough waters of divorce will tell you it can make the Australian Outback look like a day in the park. It takes all the grit you have to turn emotions like anger, fear and sorrow into positive energy to manage your divorce successfully.