{"id":487,"date":"2007-01-07T23:23:20","date_gmt":"2007-01-08T05:23:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/?p=487"},"modified":"2007-01-07T23:23:20","modified_gmt":"2007-01-08T05:23:20","slug":"baa-baa-black-sheep","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/2007\/01\/07\/baa-baa-black-sheep\/","title":{"rendered":"Baa Baa Black Sheep"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thursday we migrated to my inlaws’ turf in Pensacola.\u00a0 We had a beautiful family Christmas on Friday and then a huge party on Saturday for my mother-in-laws 60th birthday… They are a very “historic” and involved family in P’cola – we celebrated at the Yacht club which was, suprisingly, not the least bit fluffy or snooty (which were my own misguided stereotypes).\u00a0 That’s the neat thing with “old” southerners\u00a0with prestige or community clout\u00a0– they have no care to act like people with\u00a0prestige or community clout.. They are people who have worked hard to get what they have and\u00a0are loving every minute of life and loving every minute of the people around them. \u00a0Such a massive difference from the people in Nashville with money or prestige, but damn<\/em><\/strong> my new year’s resolution of not saying anything negative unless absolutely necessary (which, never you fear, \u00a0I will take great liberty with)….\u00a0I had a blast and fell more in love with my husband’s family than I was before.<\/p>\n

But.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But.\u00a0 But.\u00a0 But.\u00a0 There is<\/em><\/strong> the instance of the sisters-in-law (John’s sister and brother’s wife).\u00a0 I’ll just say, we’ve come a long way.\u00a0 What started out as a friendly and fond courtship between the\u00a0women in the family, turned ugly for a few years and we are just now pulling out.\u00a0 I hope, anyway.\u00a0 I’ve wracked my brain and I honestly can’t figure out where the hate came from.\u00a0 But trust me, it was\u00a0bordering on hate..\u00a0 John swears that it has nothing to do with me (excepts it’s aim)\u00a0but that, unfortunately, they have both had bad experiences in the family and haven’t gotten over them.\u00a0 I can’t say.\u00a0 All I can say is that it would be nice to not be the outsider, as far as the women in the family go.\u00a0\u00a0The fact is, they are all older either in years or in lifestyle and, even though we are in different places in our lives and\u00a0I am completely comfortable with that, it seems, they are not.\u00a0<\/p>\n

They have been a collective of married people raising kids for the last ten years – taking vacations together, living in the same town, sharing all levels of life experiences – and it seems, they are not ready to let anyone else into that fold – especially if that person if younger and of an entirely different ilk than them.\u00a0 So, I find myself pulling back a lot from them and giving all my energy to John’s parents whom I am blessed to be wholly embraced by – which, I’m afraid, probably only makes matters worse.\u00a0 I will just take a deep breath, try to reflect on mistakes I may have made and try very hard to be myself around them, even though they make it hard..\u00a0I never<\/em> get nervous\u00a0around people damn it<\/em>,\u00a0and\u00a09 times out of 10, if someone doesn’t like me I wouldn’t think twice about it (honestly, it just doesn’t happen.. I know that sounds so egocentric, but I really do get along with people so well…).\u00a0 But this is my husband’s family and it does<\/strong> matter.\u00a0 A lot.\u00a0 Because I respect them.\u00a0And, I’ll admit, I never once thought that\u00a0it would be like this<\/em>.\u00a0 I thought that I would finally<\/strong> have women to\u00a0be a family with – to\u00a0be\u00a0tight with and strong for and\u00a0vulnerable in front of..\u00a0\u00a0 But I can’t force myself into a picture that they want to keep all to themselves…\u00a0 All I can do is\u00a0be mindful of what I say without indulging in the great desire to keep entirely to myself and leave it alone all together.\u00a0 Happily though, and on a positive note, the rest of the family and I adore each other.\u00a0 The aunts and uncles and cousins always have and always will have huge open arms for me..\u00a0 So, why should the fact that these two women aren’t interested bother me so much?\u00a0 Can’t tell you.\u00a0 All I can tell you is that I guess, maybe, it seemed like (in my weird, overly literary mind) getting married was like joining a tribe – and in that tribe you have a group that you belong.\u00a0 And, it seems, my group doesn’t want me.\u00a0 And, I can get all tough and say “well, who wants to be in their stupid ‘Creative Memory’ selling, church fundraiser crap life anyway?” – but that’s not the truth in it.\u00a0 The truth is that, even though we don’t have a lot in common as far as lifestyle goes, we are really working toward the same goal.\u00a0 And, when did lifestyles matter so much in a family?\u00a0 I thought the whole point was to be a part of something much greater than miniscule day to day matters – I thought the idea was to be in a family with people who could bring you up and make each other wiser for the wear… Maybe I am<\/em> just a kid with far fetched ideas about how the world is supposed to be and how it can be better.. Maybe their right… and maybe that’s why they can’t let me in… But I just don’t want to believe it.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thursday we migrated to my inlaws’ turf in Pensacola.\u00a0 We had a beautiful family Christmas on Friday and then a huge party on Saturday for my mother-in-laws 60th birthday… They are a very “historic”…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=487"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=487"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=487"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.familyresource.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=487"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}