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Coping with Infertility

By Jonette R. Bronson, Ph.D.

Each individual experiences infertility in her or his own unique and valid way. While no one can predict one person's reaction to a diagnosis or treatment recommendation, many have similar reactions to this life-changing event.

Emotional/psychological experiences may include:

  • feelings of loss of control are common and sometimes uncomfortable;
  • the emotional roller coaster of hope and despair, either with each treatment or on a monthly basis;
  • feelings of failure and low self-esteem are normal; as are feeling of guilt, blame, shame and embarrassment;
  • the process erodes and consumes time and energy;
  • financial issues - loss of other dreams in exchange for treatment;
  • changes within your marriage - pull together or apart - infertility brings most couples closer together; but changes in intimacy are often associated with treatment regimens;
  • impact on employment and performance at work;
  • feelings of injustice are reality based;

Suggestions for coping more effectively:

  • begin/continue treatment with an open mind and a positive attitude - never say never!
  • realize that you must live and work in the fertile world, and manage your relationships with family members and friends;
  • develop a stress management program - simplify!
  • confide in select friends and family members;
  • periodically reexamine your options;
  • consider joining a support group, such as those offered by RESOLVE; no one understands your feelings better than others who have experienced infertility;
  • grieve your losses - there are many for some people;
  • engage in individual or couples therapy;
  • if your infertility is secondary, try to renew your relationship with your child;
  • be gentle with yourself;
  • avoid uncomfortable social situations - holidays, baby showers, certain family gatherings;
  • be "out of town"; buy gift certificates and mail them with your negative rsvp;

It is important to maintain the perspective that treatment is a means to an end, and to realize that you are very likely to become a parent someday soon.

Infertility is like a broken bone. When it heals, it will be stronger than ever, but on rainy days, it hurts.

Resources

Dr. Bronson holds a PhD. in clinical psychology and has been a consultant for the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine for the past decade.

Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine

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